It's beginning to be a bit more routine now, me and him. It's been how long? I've met him in the first few days of September. In a little more than a week it will be November. Time flies quickly when you're having fun.

I can't help but think that had this been a real-time relationship we would not have been moving as fast as we are now. Usually the first couple of months is meant for the getting-to-know-each-other, and things get pretty serious in the third or fourth month. But it feels like we've crammed too much into a small space of time that now we're in the cruising phase, it's just chill because we know how we stand in each other's lives.

Honestly, I'm scared of what this might become, because we might not be able to meet each others' expectations. It is inevitable that each day there will be more and more expectations, and it will be a high road for each of us individually.

I'm afraid of moving. My roots are planted quite firmly on this ground, and I'm afraid to be out on my own again. I've been independent before in Los Banos, but that was different. It was still essentially the same culture I've known, however underground so many things are. I am a strong woman and I can be out on my own, but that doesn't mean I will not have my fears.

It's difficult; this is the first time I've been in this kind of relationship. I treasure him, I want to be with him, but it scares me. What if my parents would not want me to go? What if I invest so much of my emotions into this and into him and it does not turn out the way I had wanted and planned it?

I had freaked out at the circumstances he has found himself in, because I realized that while I know him so much, I don't know how he is with the people in his life. Shouldn't he be scared too, of who I am with the people in my life? This is like we have our own secured box where we jump into whenever we talk, and we know each other only within that box. Outside, we are still different individuals who have relationships with others and have different situations that we can't fully understand unless we be there to witness it.

I want this to happen. I am happy now, but will that change when I get to where I want to be?

Anxiety is always healthy before jumping into things, right?