Lately I've been getting a feeling of dread hovering above me, which is unusual since I'm known to be overly optimistic.

I can't comprehend the feeling, though I can relate to it, as I've been getting swingy--from extremely elated to mildy depressed in just about as quick as a snap of a finger.

I'm afraid, as the semester is nearing its end, and I still have lots to accomplish. I'm dreadful of the notion of not being able to do anything. Not just doing badly, but not doing anything at all. Do you get it? I don't. It's confusing.

I'm getting jetlagged but mostly it's because of my own choice. I sleep through the morning and get pepped up in the evenings, and I can't get over it.

It doesn't sound anything that I would do, but it also sounds like me getting ass-burned-out. I've been eating more than the usual too, and I'm gaining weight. I should watch what I eat lest I become a cow. This means something. But I don't know what.

When my head does get cleared enough for me to write what I've been feeling, I will. Or won't, as by that time I'll be the usual self that goes through the pains of everyday cheerfully smiling and not thinking of anything else but getting it done but still not writing about it. When I don't write it means I'm okay, I'm fine, I'm happy.

What's iffy in this is that the need to write only comes over me when I'm a bit bothered by something, when I'm terribly unsound, when I feel swingy or confused, or when I'm burned out. It's creepy to think I can't come up with anything good or worthwhile when I'm happy, because my head gets into silver-lined clouds and it fogs my own vision and makes me less creative than I really am.

When I do get something done, it's something I've labored over and over in my head before even starting it. It's neurotic. I have to argue with myself in my head before even standing up to do it.

I'm thinking if I should go to bed and get some rest or sit down at my desk and study. The first one is very appealing and completely easier to do. The latter is the responsibility and the one I should do since I know it's also easy but just need to get it done to do well in school.

I'm sure that if I just read a couple of chapters and take down a few notes I'd be able to pass--no, ace--this exam. But I lack the motivation.

I'm going back to bed and dream of sheep.