I am extremely grateful for my tiger telling my ex to go away. I haven't tried anything much to keep him away, I just told him to leave me alone and to respect me enough to try not to contact me.

But he's still there. Sometimes I ignore it, but so many times it annoys me. It gets to me more than I would want to.

I was scared of what my tiger told him. But if it had to be done for it to stop, then so be it.

He has this way of protecting me, being the tough guy (as what he says, it's like those honey-go-wait-in-the-car moments because I probably don't want to witness it). But to me he's unbelievably tender and sweet. Quite frankly I haven't met someone who is as sweet as him.

With him I find what I want most in a man: security and commitment. Every guy can be passionate or romantic depending on how they show it, but he is someone I feel secure in, and someone who wants to be in the long run with me.

I sung my tiger to sleep last night. It felt magical, in a way, to be together but still not be together. If we are like this now, I wonder how we will be in several months. We would go crazy.

Everyday I fall more and more in love with him, if it is possible to happen.

I love you Jeremiah. Everyday is a day less until we will finally be together. Till then, I am here waiting.

"Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."
- Andy Dufresne, The Shawshank Redemption

It is one of the best things to live for, hope. It carries you through each day, even when all else seems lost.

Nothing is lost, not one bit now. Each day it does seem impossible, but not entirely so.

Everyday I carry with me the love I have for someone whose distance I cannot imagine, whose suns rise while my moons shine. And everyday I carry with it hope, that we will be with each other, no matter how impossible it is now.

I still cannot believe I am in love with a man, connected to him somehow, and he is as far from me as he could be. Sometimes I want to believe this is real, that there really is someone who loves me as much as I love him, who wishes for a future with me. I think he may be a fairy tale; I have never touched his face, only his image. But I have faith in the good things, and love is one of them.

Distance and time is nothing now to me. Dum spiro spero.

I have faith that the right time will come for the both of us. I have hope, each moment, when my heart will finally be free because you have me.

Hope carries my heart over to you, that you may find me one day. And when you do, I will be there to welcome you with open arms, and a heart that is yours to keep.

It's beginning to be a bit more routine now, me and him. It's been how long? I've met him in the first few days of September. In a little more than a week it will be November. Time flies quickly when you're having fun.

I can't help but think that had this been a real-time relationship we would not have been moving as fast as we are now. Usually the first couple of months is meant for the getting-to-know-each-other, and things get pretty serious in the third or fourth month. But it feels like we've crammed too much into a small space of time that now we're in the cruising phase, it's just chill because we know how we stand in each other's lives.

Honestly, I'm scared of what this might become, because we might not be able to meet each others' expectations. It is inevitable that each day there will be more and more expectations, and it will be a high road for each of us individually.

I'm afraid of moving. My roots are planted quite firmly on this ground, and I'm afraid to be out on my own again. I've been independent before in Los Banos, but that was different. It was still essentially the same culture I've known, however underground so many things are. I am a strong woman and I can be out on my own, but that doesn't mean I will not have my fears.

It's difficult; this is the first time I've been in this kind of relationship. I treasure him, I want to be with him, but it scares me. What if my parents would not want me to go? What if I invest so much of my emotions into this and into him and it does not turn out the way I had wanted and planned it?

I had freaked out at the circumstances he has found himself in, because I realized that while I know him so much, I don't know how he is with the people in his life. Shouldn't he be scared too, of who I am with the people in my life? This is like we have our own secured box where we jump into whenever we talk, and we know each other only within that box. Outside, we are still different individuals who have relationships with others and have different situations that we can't fully understand unless we be there to witness it.

I want this to happen. I am happy now, but will that change when I get to where I want to be?

Anxiety is always healthy before jumping into things, right?